Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts
Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.11/5 (9299 Votes)
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.11/5 (6468 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Rated 4.11/5 (6276 Votes)
The only reason Thor is the god of lightning is because Chuck Norris stole his thunder.
Rated 4.1/5 (30 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.1/5 (5324 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.1/5 (6472 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.1/5 (5598 Votes)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.1/5 (5592 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Rated 4.1/5 (5256 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.1/5 (4357 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.1/5 (4172 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.1/5 (4564 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.1/5 (3193 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.1/5 (4580 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.1/5 (6735 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.1/5 (4711 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.1/5 (3801 Votes)
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Rated 4.1/5 (4607 Votes)
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.1/5 (6528 Votes)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.1/5 (3715 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.1/5 (3772 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.1/5 (4822 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.1/5 (4301 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Rated 4.1/5 (7477 Votes)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.1/5 (4377 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.1/5 (4926 Votes)
Chuck Norris got Coronavirus. Now the Coronavirus is in isolation.
Rated 4.09/5 (726 Votes)
Chuck Norris went to a feminist rally and came back with his shirt ironed and holding a sandwich.
Rated 4.09/5 (622 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
Rated 4.09/5 (3700 Votes)
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.09/5 (4450 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.09/5 (3839 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.09/5 (2380 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Rated 4.09/5 (3409 Votes)
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.09/5 (3431 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.09/5 (4328 Votes)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.09/5 (4214 Votes)
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Rated 4.09/5 (5419 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.09/5 (4376 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.09/5 (4495 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.09/5 (4025 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is
brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.09/5 (3869 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad
he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Rated 4.09/5 (4468 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.09/5 (4712 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.09/5 (3576 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.09/5 (4334 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.09/5 (4812 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.09/5 (4229 Votes)
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Rated 4.09/5 (2849 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.09/5 (3812 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.09/5 (5092 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.09/5 (3647 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.09/5 (4413 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.09/5 (4146 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.09/5 (3616 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Rated 4.09/5 (3988 Votes)
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Rated 4.09/5 (3852 Votes)
When Chuck Norris left for college he looked to his father Nd said "Youre the man of the house now".
Rated 4.08/5 (200 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.08/5 (2942 Votes)
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Rated 4.08/5 (3481 Votes)
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Rated 4.08/5 (66 Votes)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack...
even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.08/5 (3168 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Rated 4.08/5 (4567 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.08/5 (3270 Votes)
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Rated 4.08/5 (4495 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.08/5 (3749 Votes)
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.08/5 (1637 Votes)
Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
Rated 4.08/5 (3312 Votes)
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Rated 4.08/5 (4438 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Rated 4.08/5 (3811 Votes)
Chuck can divide by zero.
Rated 4.08/5 (1743 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.08/5 (2377 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.08/5 (3554 Votes)
Chuck Norris found the last digit of pi.
Rated 4.07/5 (264 Votes)
Chuck Norris once walked away from a fight with two broken ribs and a dislocated arm.
He hasn't given them back yet...
Rated 4.07/5 (497 Votes)
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Rated 4.07/5 (3908 Votes)
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Rated 4.07/5 (71 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Rated 4.07/5 (2231 Votes)
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.07/5 (3173 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.07/5 (3472 Votes)
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Rated 4.07/5 (3502 Votes)
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.07/5 (2909 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.07/5 (3442 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rated 4.07/5 (3338 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.07/5 (4847 Votes)
When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him.
Rated 4.06/5 (372 Votes)
Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.06/5 (4251 Votes)
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Rated 4.06/5 (217 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't teabag , he potato sacks.
Rated 4.06/5 (2368 Votes)
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Rated 4.06/5 (3077 Votes)
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Rated 4.06/5 (486 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Rated 4.06/5 (817 Votes)
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Rated 4.06/5 (2501 Votes)
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Rated 4.06/5 (2571 Votes)
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Rated 4.06/5 (2196 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.06/5 (2895 Votes)
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Rated 4.05/5 (656 Votes)
Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.
Rated 4.05/5 (3275 Votes)
Rosa Parks didn't give up her seat on the bus because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.05/5 (74 Votes)
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman's life.
Rated 4.05/5 (542 Votes)
Deja vu has Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.05/5 (38 Votes)